Un-Bottling the Bottles and Bottles

Since a young age I learned that expressing my emotions, concerns and thoughts didn't get me anywhere. In fact, for the most part, it got me in trouble and sent to timeout. Or if I was in school, sent to timeout. Or if I was in church, sent to timeout.  You see where this is going.

So while I've always been quite vocal in my thoughts, especially when sticking my neck out for the underdog, I've never put my own emotions and feelings out there to the extent of their potential. Which was tolerable when I was an angry lamenting teenager. The effect was that I had a million things bottled up over and over on top of each other, until in one moment I couldn't hold it in anymore and I would explode.  Almost literally. I would be screaming so loud and talking so fast and jumping from one topic to the other that it was quite difficult for my parents to make sense of what was happening. And in an hour I was so mentally and emotionally exhausted from it all that I would collapse into bed without another word.  So my 'short fuse' and angry outbursts got blamed on being a teenage female.

Now that I'm not a teenager and don't have my parents to explode on, being a bottle doesn't quite make sense.  Back then, I felt I was doing it for the emotional safety of those around me that I cared about. I mean, lets face it, if I said what I was truly thinking I would have devastated some fragile phyches, to be sure. Now that I'm an adult and have the liberty of choosing my friends and those I spend time with, why should I continue to bottle it all in.

So the logic in all this created my Un-Bottling The Buttons project. Project Me. I'm The Buttons. And I intend to re-educate myself.

One glass at a time.